Having stoma surgery is often a positive step for many people in managing their health. However, it’s normal to feel anxious about how different areas of your life may be affected. One area you may feel anxiety around is sex and intimacy. So, we’ve put together answers to some of the common questions people ask.
Sex, Intimacy and Relationships
Will I still be able to have sex?
In short, yes. You will need time to heal post-surgery and there will be a period of adjustment but having a stoma isn’t a barrier to intimacy.
Can I still enjoy the same positions?
Many sex positions are still perfectly possible with a Stoma. It’s important to take it slowly and experiment to see what works best for you. You may find that you need to slightly adjust positioning to accommodate your pouch. This will likely only be a minor change and shouldn’t get in the way of your enjoyment.
When can I have sex?
Stoma surgery is a major medical procedure and it can take months for your body to fully heal. You should talk to your doctor about when it will be safe for you to physically have sex after surgery. But healing is not just a physical process, it’s important to give yourself time to unpack your feelings around your Stoma. You may feel like your relationship to your body has changed and this may have an effect on your self-esteem. If you feel like this has become an issue for you then it may help to talk to a therapist or counsellor, who can help you navigate your feelings. Don’t worry if you feel your recovery is taking longer than other people, the timeline is different for everybody.
How do I talk about this with my partner?
Whether you’re already in an intimate relationship or starting one it’s important to communicate honestly and openly. When talking to your partner, prospective or established, give them space in the conversation to ask questions. Anxiety usually comes from the unknown so providing information may ease any apprehension they may be feeling.
What should I do with my pouch before sex?
For peace of mind many people empty their pouch or apply a fresh one before sex and you can also check fasteners and adhesives are secure. If your pouch doesn’t have a comfort panel you can use a fabric pouch cover to prevent rubbing and cover up the contents if your pouch is transparent. There are also ostomy wraps available that provide coverage and help keep the pouch close to the body to minimise interference. Some people choose to wear a stoma cap rather than a stoma bag during sex.
