This article written by Dr Zainab Noor explores how stoma surgery can affect how people feel about their bodies. It looks at how the ways we try to protect ourselves can sometimes make us feel even more distant from our bodies and shares simple, practical steps to help rebuild a sense of connection and comfort over time.
Learning to See Yourself Again: Body Image After Stoma Surgery
The moment you first see your changed body after stoma surgery can feel disorienting. Familiar shapes are altered, scars and medical devices become part of your reflection, and the body you once knew may seem a little more distant. This experience can rattle our sense of bodily familiarity, and may lead to feelings of disconnection, embarrassment or shame. Rebuilding a sense of familiarity and pride in your new body is a gradual process that involves gentle observation, compassionate self-awareness, and intentional reconnection.
How your brain adapts to a new body
After stoma surgery, it can sometimes feel like your body no longer matches the unconscious map your brain has relied on for years. This mismatch forces your brain into a state of heightened awareness such that every glance in the mirror, every sensation on your skin, demands more focused attention that may turn into scrutiny. It’s common to find yourself checking your appearance more often, focusing on specific features, or questioning if things look “right.” This is your brain’s way of recalibrating, attempting to integrate the new reality with the old map.
The brain’s process of adjustment can be slow. As you wait for your body to feel like yours again, you may find yourself stuck in a pattern of scanning for changes and judging them harshly as noticing differences may lead to negative judgmental thoughts like “This looks wrong”. These types of thoughts can stir up sadness, or frustration, making you feel even more unsure and disconnected from your body.
Understanding this pattern can open the way to gentler approaches that work with your brain’s natural adjustment process: What would it be like to notice changes in your body without rushing to label them as good or bad? What if you could sit with discomfort for a moment, without pushing it away or criticising yourself for feeling it?
By responding with neutrality or even kindness rather than judgement, you give your brain and body space to rebuild trust and a sense of connection. The aim is not to achieve a perfect body or perfect acceptance, but rather to feel more at ease in your body and to make room for moments of comfort, familiarity, and even quiet appreciation as they come.
Reconnecting emotionally with your body
Reconnecting with your body after stoma surgery often means rebuilding a kind of closeness that may feel unfamiliar at first. This closeness includes noticing physical touch, tuning in to sensations, being aware of how your body moves and feels, and letting yourself stay with the emotions that surface.
It means allowing these experiences to unfold and meeting your body’s changes with care and patience.
It might be as simple as taking a moment to breathe deeply and gently acknowledge sensations, whether they feel reassuring or difficult. For example, you might place a hand softly on your abdomen and quietly notice how the skin, muscles, or even the presence of the stoma bag feels beneath your fingers, without trying to change or judge it. If you hear a sound from the stoma bag and this stirs unease, you might respond with a gentle inner voice, as if speaking to someone you care for, saying something like, “It’s okay, I hear you. We’re safe here together.” This type of kindness can calm both body and mind, easing tension and helping you feel more at home in yourself.
Sharing your experiences openly with someone you trust, a partner, friend, can bring relief from the loneliness that often accompanies bodily change. The aim is not to achieve complete understanding from the other person, but to feel seen and supported in your experience, knowing you don’t have to carry it alone. These conversations do not need to be deep or complicated; even simple expressions like “This feels strange to me right now” or “I’m still getting used to this” create connection and understanding.
Over time, these small moments help soften the distance that has grown, making your body feel less like something to avoid and more like a part of you to be present with.
Small acts to rebuild connection
As your brain works to reconcile the new reality of your body with the familiar internal map, small, intentional actions become vital bridges between disconnection and adjustment. These acts are not intended to feel rushed or forced, rather the focus is on inviting your attention to settle gently, without judgment, on your body’s new shape.
Begin by allowing yourself brief moments of neutral observation. Stand before a mirror not to evaluate or correct, but simply to notice: the shapes, the textures, the scars, the stoma bag. This practice echoes the brain’s need to update its internal map with new information, but in a way that calms rather than alarms. Over time, these small exposures help reduce distress and ease negative judgment.
Touch can be a quiet but powerful way to reconnect your mind and body. Placing a gentle hand on your skin and exploring with softness, without any pressure or expectation, can help you feel more in tune with your body. It reminds you that your body is still a living, important part of you, not just something that has changed.
Naming your experience, either silently or aloud, can help make sense of what can often feel like confusion or loss. Using gentle, neutral words instead of self-criticism can also help calm your mind, making it easier to settle into your changed body and begin feeling more at home in it. For example, when you sense harsh or judgmental thoughts coming up, try responding with “This feels hard today, and that’s okay” or “I’m learning to adjust, one step at a time.” These kinds of words can bring a sense of relief and make it easier to face each day with kindness toward yourself.
Moving forward
Adjustment after stoma surgery is often confusing and slow. The discomfort and disconnection you may feel are understandable responses to a body may feel less familiar. It’s natural to struggle with this shift. Not every day will feel easier, but by gently noticing your experience, allowing kindness toward yourself, and letting trusted people in, you give yourself the chance to slowly find new ways of belonging in your changed body.
About the author
Dr Zainab Noor
Dr Noor is a Clinical Psychologist specialising in the emotional impact of surgery and chronic illness, particularly the adjustment to life with a stoma.
